DEAR DEAR I CHOOSE YOU

 Dear Diary 

Hey fam jammy Jam Hey

Say I’m choosing me today I’m choosing me over what happened in my past or over the trauma that I have been going through today I’m choosing me over what happened to me when I was 10 or 11 or five or three or when I was born today I’m choosing me over all the issues

I remember a point in my life that kept repeating like it was on rewind on a VHS cassette loop. It seems like I had to face up to people and tell them what I really felt say what I mean and stand on business.

There were so many people in my life who did not like me for being me, and God kept putting the same level in my face be yourself Work on you, do not be afraid to be yourself, even in the midst of the most obstacles when people do not understand what you’re doing it is not their job to understand YOUR journey

I HAD TO REMEMBER THIS EVERY TIME LAST YEAR I WORKED AT SONICS LAST YEAR. I WORKED AT CAPTAIN D’S AND LAST YEAR I SUBSTITUTE TAUGHT FOR THE MILLIONTH YEAR, WHICH I FELT WAS MOST IMPORTANT.

Though I did all those things plus a plethora of other jobs I also was in a shelter. Finally he was blessed to get a place to help from the Shelter, and I went through so many different things. I learned the power of being a visionary I learned the power of understanding that faith is so important and we have to walk by faith not by sight 

I also learned What it means to be gifted, special marked, chosen to be a leader, a cheerleader which means falling on your sword being humbled, going through weakness, having to sacrifice understanding that you must be a savior to yourself before you can be a savior to another person

I also realize that sometimes you’re gonna have to live things you’re gonna have to go through them again you’re gonna have to stand up to people who you wouldn’t have stand up to before

You’re going to have to lose people that you didn’t want to lose and you’re going to have to face tirelessly choosing yourself even when the outcome could be very tragic

Last year going through this trial and tribulation of all those things was fine, but I chose love. I chose like I chose what I believed and I had faith and God sent me on a bunch of different assignments, including this open case that I have with the plaintiff that I am dealing with

 I believe in God, I believe I am the black Panther Beasley, and the New Jersey Janine from Abbott elementary

I believe I am a person who walks in and just does what she does. I understand the mysticism and beauty and the goddess of Myself and I understand This so well because I watch people do this every day

I understood the assignment very well when I was given the assignment, but as I was going through it, it was weird that I understood it lesson lesson less because there were one thing after another thing being thrown at me and I didn’t know where to go with it

Then I realize that there is no such thing as really cool creating with the universe and getting it when you call create with the universe when you call create with God when you call create with your inner God or goddess, you are understanding that you cannot control anything doesn’t matter if you’re creating it you’re realizing that it’s a free flowing current and that whatever you create is a ripple and it keeps creating more and creating more 

It is a child that’s why you need to speak good into it speak life into it like you would your own child when you core and you’re saying I can do this. I will do this and then you make it happen and you believe in it and you trust in meYou are essentially saying, I believe in my son I’m telling you the truth. It’s not everything that’s gotta be all sunshine and rainbows in peace and light. It has to be honest. It has to be full of faith and it has to be full of works.

Once you do that, you will go through the necessary depths of the soul depth of the ego dark Knight of the soul, and you will come up and you will come down. You have beautiful moments, joyous moments, every single second of the day, but joy is not the same thing as happiness. You will have forever transcendent in yourself worse because you will realize that you’re not just here to allow things to happen to you, but you’re here to be a part of the growth of yourself, your community and the world. 

You’re here to speak for the people who cannot speak to themselves you’re here to speak for the trees

Last year I went through an obstacle upon obstacle upon obstacle course in my life and every course I had to go with God, I had to understand faith I had to understand failure, and weakness more than I’ve ever had to in my life and trust me I’ve been through some bad times but every time I trusted God, I spoke with him we chatted. We talked like we had coffee and last year was the first year in my life where I understood the gravity of God wanting to get my attention last year was the first year where I understood.

Having faith is not the same as trying to maneuver and overthink last year was the first time I understood that you must stand up against tyranny and bullies. Sometimes bullies look like a friend or a family member who is lied to you been narcissistic manipulated you

Sometimes standing up against Tierney is saying no to help that you really don’t need it that moment not because you don’t need help. Not because you can go without help but because you realize that that help that you’re getting is crippling you from seeing your true power of standing in solidarity with faith and God and going with faith.

When you have faith and you move with that face, you’re going to get challenged you’re going to get bullied and they are going to be many people who you feel like our above you better than you or even if there are people who you admire and you put them in a place of admiration they may not like you. They may hate you and they see you when you’re at your weakest as flawed, but when you stand up to that person, knowing that you have flaws, knowing that you are weak knowing that you have the power to be strong even in your weakness.

This can threaten others this can threaten those who see you as that side as codependent as someone who they can trample over, and it threatens the oppressive nature that they have because they are afraid they are weakened they are in a place where they feel privy to be at the top of your life and everybody else else’s

When you take your power back when you align with everything in you, your path, your journey, the universe God, and every person was ever said a kind word or ever made you feel good or every show that is giving you something inspirational to work with or even the idea of a blade of grass growing out of the most driest of soils

You align yourself with greatness you align yourself with boldness you align yourself with the meaning of standing up against oppression people who do not like you because you argue because they see the greatness in the potential of you

Today I’m asking you, my friends Choose yourself

Choose love and joy, choose understanding, compassionate, and empathy. Choose understanding that failure has to be an option for you to win in the end.

Choose understanding that people are gonna look at you as a loser. People are not gonna understand your journey. People are not gonna understand your plate your pain and it’s not their job to when they are not on assignment to understand that, but those who are aligned with your journey will understand and they will love your journey, and they will see it as an opportunity to have growth in their own selves. Everybody is not aligned to have the same type of growth, so everybody is not going to be able to understand your journey, everybody’s not going to be able to come with you your particular journey is not just for you, but it’s for you to fulfill for your prophecy to to really become who you are. Your journey is to allow others to fulfill their journey through the things that you’ve done you’re teaching a man to fish, not just giving them the fish. Choose yourself, choose the journey and have faith joy will always come in the morning evening in the afternoon, but two each is its own joy and to each of his own peace and its own heaven on earth home is always with the hardest and wherever you go in your journey to co-create with the universe, you must be at home with yourself much love, peace, and blessings From the messenger