Dear Diary Transparency

 

Dear Diary 

Topic of the day, transparency, and self healing

We asked the universe to create we think that creation is we’re taking charge of what we can control in the universe is taking charge of what it control, but to be transparent you have to understand that you have no control that even in the universe, other things have to evolve that involve random failures and random wins

This is life and most people understand you have ups you have down your ins and outs, but here’s the thing we don’t think about that when it comes to relationships and we don’t even think about relationships as a business of the Hart your building a brand of notoriety in each relationship that you’re in

I was thinking about the T app and how a bunch of women can go around and gospel about exes and gospel about what goes on in their relationship and how I’m pretty sure there are apps that go about talking about women in the same manner

The thing is, there’s no transparency in that, though you think you’re getting to know this person and then you’re making yourself vulnerable but then you find out later that person it’s really hurt by you and it becomes a mechanism of your doom ultimately finding out that other people share the same stories about you or about other people that can really embody a disconnect when it comes to the person that you really are 

I say the same the idea came about because of somebody I used to talk to because of my whole ongoing court case situation it made me think about what if people were just transparent, and they said to straight up who they are and then you had a choice to figure out what do you wanna deal with it? 

What if your destiny was already mapped out and God told you you can do this path or that path and you had a choice whether it to not partake or not

Then it would be a transparent you might think it would be you might think it would be a whole lot easier but one thing I learned from watching one of my favorite shows the good place is having everything handed to you does not make everything easier

In fact, when everything is handed to you and when it’s one option or the other, you lose the sense of transparency because you’re in this floss idea that if you have everything you’re supposed to have, you should be happy but the reality is, you must earn things you must go through the darkness of the soul you must struggle you must feel the ups and downs of life to wait the gravity. You must feel like the Earth is falling beneath your feet and you are sinking into the second place and you have to get your way out and sometimes you don’t have a person to help you or you don’t have a consistent group of people that can cheer you on so now you have to be your own cheer cheerleader. 

Sometimes you have to let people go and it might hurt sometimes you might have to let mothers and father‘s uncles and aunts go because you realize that they’re not going to give you the love that you deserve but that first starts with you giving yourself transparency I’m not getting the love. I deserve so let’s not let this be an idea. Let’s not let this be romanticize. Let’s not let this relationship get lost in a transaction of my dreams my goals let’s nip it in the butt 

Sometimes you have to let go of meaningful relationships because they were only meaningful for the time in the season that they were supposed to be sometimes you have to let go of jobs and really go face things forward when you have a big goal a big dream with your relationship life with your career with your health and it’s like 20 million different things you have to become the best version of yourself become transparent with yourself. What am I doing wrong what am I doing right? How long will this take? Don’t romanticize it in the sense of what I can do this tomorrow and everything get done romanticize it in the sense of I have a big dream. I’m gonna dream the biggest I can, but I realize it’s gonna take real work in time to get There that I’m going to have to cut off things and people that will not serve this goal because I have a bigger purpose 

Sometimes people will go about telling everybody around them and wanting them to cheerleading them on. I’m not gonna lie to you when I first started this journey into really just learning about what I want to do with my life and how to make a brand in 2019 I realize there were a lot of things that I didn’t know. 

There were a lot of things that I didn’t understand I’ve always been creative and artist a writer. I wanted a fake Radio show back then when I was a kid, I’ve always had dreams and manifesting my goals in reality, but I realized I played and now I have to take it seriously so I had to be transparent with myself because I have my inner child and the wounds are not there like they used to be. They’re actually quite healed. I realize that what I need to do now is make those dreams come into reality. 

And this is something we all have to do be transparent with ourselves say we don’t need to eat that we don’t need to talk to this person. This person makes us feel bad. We get a bad energy. We get a bad vibe. We can’t deal with this person, it’s not just about the relationship relationships that we end with an ex because sometimes it’s complicated maybe you were married and you have kids together maybe you were in a long-term relationship with their stepdad maybe that’s a stepmom maybe you have tight friends together and you walk in the same circle of friend groups maybe you work at the same job 

So being transparent is sometimes you can’t cut everything off, but sometimes you might have to leave a job. Sometimes you might have to leave a friend group because of your sanity because of your peace and then you have to make new goals and new friend groups because these things will allow you to elevate to see your true light.

Every bit of darkness comes with light in the middle and around it you just have to realize that your perception has to change that you get to you get to get a chance to lose people who did not serve you and gain a chance to gain yourself new opportunities and experiences and new people in your life you get to do that because you became aware of what the issues were in your life. That’s a beautiful thing that’s a blessing. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s grieving the death and mourning of the life you used to have the person you used to be trust me we die 1 trillion times in our life if we live a good one.

However, a coward can die 1000 times but a winner will die infinite times to keep their peace. A cow will only die 1000 times because they’re only willing to risk 1000 times but a winner risk every time because they’re a loose cannon because they know that the blessing is in the lesson is the struggle is in the failure is in the pain is in honoring your responsibility to being your bigger purpose to failing. It’s apologizing unapologetically for being yourself, but apologizing to those who need to be apologizing to understanding that you will not always be right that you will not always know everything. It’s a beautiful thing. These are things that you will find even in the Bible Jesus was human humans make mistakes and they have failures and they have weaknesses, but they are rebels, and then when they know that they needed to stand up for the cause they will we miss that in the Bible, we miss the laws that were broken to fulfill. The prophecy. Perfection is always in the eye of a holder, so what you view as a perfection may be an imperfection to another one, knowing that you can be transparent with yourself about who you are where you are in life is. 

Sometimes like the song by Chris Brown, you have to be hard to reach cause you don’t know what you’re really looking for. Sometimes you have to be see-through straight up, blunt straight up bold and honest it allows you to have complete and total immunity from people becoming lost in translation with your conversations with your thoughts with your ideas with who they are you don’t have to kiss their behind and wonder if they feel like they don’t know you say what you feel now if you need to reward it cool but after you said what you said you said what you said you don’t need to say it again. 

Transparency with self love is freedom it is also work darkness and light balancing to make joy the absolute ability to see beauty in the struggle and honor in facing failure learning growth from it and the elevating with wisdom from your failures

I say all this to say my love is my family my jammy jams that sometimes you’re gonna feel it nice you’re gonna be hard. Cold decisions are gonna make you feel like you are going insane in the membrane in sailing the brain like you are in a 90s track playing on a loop over and over and over again, but take a breath. Take a step back understand that the most transparent thing you can do is feel be human be yourself be through to yourself make a list think about it. Pray talk to God meditate. Go for a walk dance and when you come back, the problem will still be there, but you’ll be looser. You’ll be calmer. You’ll be more ready to take on and realize the origin story. 

Where was the origin of the pain the source of the pain the source of the issue and when you find it the root of the tutor nip it in the bud anyway fam don’t shoot the messenger just let me love until next time. Smooches peace is Latoya Justice Shari AK the joy joyous B messenger.

As always, I love you 143123 11:11